The Fool (2023)
Distorted solo vibraphone and video playback
7:30
In tarot card reading, the Fool is the card that represents yourself as the main character in your life, which in the tarot is known as the “Fool’s Journey”. The Fool is characterized as somewhat of a Don-Quixote-like figure - well-meaning and exuberant, but also naïve, vain, and of course, foolish. The Fool has good intentions but stumbles through life, making many mistakes along the way.
This piece is an attempt to express empathy towards the more “foolish” sides of ourselves. Deep emotions are often connected to distant memories, so the music is simple and almost lullaby-like in an attempt to speak to the younger self inside of us. Several techniques have been used to make the presentation of this piece seem old and degraded, as if it was found on an old tape in a dusty corner of our childhood bedroom.
Sometimes I discover my own inspirations well after the work has been created. It is only now, October 27th, 2023, almost a year after The Fool was written, that I am discovering just how much a debt this piece owes to a video game called Disco Elysium.
Disco Elysium is a bizarre and fascinating piece of art. On the surface, it is an RPG about an amnesiac detective who is trying to solve a murder. Ultimately, however, it is a deeply moving examination of the human condition. For me, Disco Elysium was one of those rare artistic experiences that did work on my soul as I experienced it.
In the world of Disco Elysium, and in our world, everyone yearns for something. Some mask it better than others, but behind those masks, everyone is aching. We can better serve others when we are empathetic to their aches. I have learned the same is true for ourselves - we should be kind to the parts of ourselves that hurt. I wrote The Fool to express empathy for those deep hurts.
Disco Elysium’s soundtrack also served as my introduction into the world of shoegaze, with its warped atmospheres and its washed-out, distorted sounds. It eventually led me to discover the band Low, who creates patient, moody music full of space and nostalgia, and who uses heavy processing and distortion to give their music that same sense of aching. Though it may not be apparent from the beginning of the song, Low’s “Days Like These” was used as a reference track in the composition of The Fool.
The definition of “catharsis”, according to Oxford Dictionary, is “the process of releasing, and thereby providing relief from, strong or repressed emotions”. In other words, it is a type of pleasure that is only earned after passing through pain.
The piece begins with space and simplicity, like a poorly-hidden sadness behind one’s eyes. There are fleeting moments of beauty, but there is a darkness that keeps dragging us back down into a depressive state.
Eventually, we decide to actually examine what is lurking in that darkness. A terrifying beast emerges, overwhelming in its fury – our own personal hell! It is inconceivable that any one person could handle this suffering…but it too eventually subsides. We are left back where we started, though perhaps things seem just a bit lighter. We find that we are more free to move and express, and when the melody reaches its apex, it washes over us like a warm hug from a loved one. We are finally left with a sense of peace and acceptance.